The Nine Satanic Statements
 
      from The Satanic Bible, ©1969
      by Anton Szandor LaVey
 
     1. Satan represents indulgence instead of abstinence!
     2. Satan represents vital existence instead of spiritual pipe
     dreams!
     3. Satan represents undefiled wisdom instead of hypocritical
     self-deceit!
     4. Satan represents kindness to those who deserve it instead
     of love wasted on ingrates!
     5. Satan represents vengeance instead of turning the other
     cheek!
     6. Satan represents responsibility to the responsible instead
     of concern for psychic vampires!
     7. Satan represents man as just another animal, sometimes
     better, more often worse than those that walk on all-fours,
     who, because of his "divine spiritual and intellectual
     development," has become the most vicious animal of all!
     8. Satan represents all of the so-called sins, as they all lead to
     physical, mental, or emotional gratification!
     9. Satan has been the best friend the Church has ever had, as
     He has kept it in business all these years!